Occasional Trump Dump 03/15/16

The show is entertainment, the show is a circus, the show is stupid. I’ve said that for 25 years. The show is what it is, but my gosh when you’re talking about running the free world, running America, what kind of nation we ought to be, you don’t go to a television show

–Jerry Springer


THE BIG NEWS: Another big night for the Republican frontrunner as he destroys Rubio in FL, driving Little Marco™ from the race. Trump also racked up victories in NC, IL, and MO. The only hiccup for The Donald was a victory in Ohio by homeboy John Kasich. Hillary Clinton had her victory celebration in West Palm Beach, just down the road from Mar-a-Largo where DJT addressed his supporters sans steaks, wine, and water. It’s pretty standard fare, but there’s some funny stuff about Trump being embarrassed at the golf tournament at his course

A Trump supporter infiltrated the Kasich victory speech in Berea, OH and the Governor handled it pretty well

In short, Tuesday night may be referred to, in the future, as the night the Republican Establishment (whatever the hell that is) died. It remains to be seen how ANYONE can stop the Trump Monster from winning the nomination. Any magical, behind-the-scenes deals at the GOP Convention would require a level of cunning and unity that has, so far, been absent in the Republican party. Everyone seems to be looking around, waiting for someone to charge up the hill, bayonet fixed. So far, no takers

Also, important to note, Trump’s victories make him the only candidate currently running for the GOP nomination able to put his name forward at the convention, according to Republican rules. No one else has managed to fit the criteria laid out by the party

Here’s another fun fact: I’ve read some articles that say it’s unclear if paying money for delegates at the convention is against party rules. You can imagine Team Trump™ commandeering a hotel suite in Cleveland and ushering in delegate after delegate, as they fork over cash from a trash bag

In the victory speech, Trump touted his recent endorsement from Florida’s Attorney General Pam Bondi, who, oddly enough, received a campaign contribution from The Donald not that long ago. That campaign contribution preceded Ms. Bondi dropping her investigation into Trump University. I’m POSITIVE the timing on that was coincidental

Also, during the speech, DJT gave a giant “F U” to those who have criticized Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski for body slamming (then) Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields by putting Lewandowski onstage next to the candidate and having his boss tell him “Nice job, Corey”

Democrats are trolling incumbent Republican senators, tying them to Trump for saying they would support the eventual GOP nominee, no matter who it is

Former female Trump executive says her old boss is an angry man

Res says that Trump has “changed a lot over the years.”

“Even in the years that I worked for him I saw changes in him. He used to have very strong women who he listened to, and gave a lot of authority to, but I doubt if that’s the case now.”

“He never used to speak about women like he does now.”

DJT now says he never said he’d pay legal fees of violent supporters. Except, you know, he did

Trump re-kindled his hatred of Megyn Kelly on Tuesday

Add “crazy” to the list of pejorative adjectives he’s used to describe women

I’m surprised he didn’t blame it on PMS

Trump’s butler spins yarns of life at Mar-a-Largo

More recently, Mar-a-Lago has set off controversy in the Republican primary, as Mr. Trump has been criticized by rivals for hiring employees from abroad to staff the club rather than relying on the local work force.

“There are a lot of Romanians, there’s a lot of South Africans, we have one Irishman,” Mr. Senecal said of the staff, before echoing Mr. Trump’s defense that locals shunned the short-term seasonal work. But he also added of the foreigners: “They’re so good. They are so professional. These local people,” he trailed off, making a disapproving face

And this gem…

Still, Mr. Senecal said that Mr. Trump could be generous when the mood struck him, sometimes peeling $100 bills from a wad in his pocket to give to the groundskeepers, whom Mr. Senecal described as appreciative.

“You’re a Hispanic and you’re in here trimming the trees and everything, and a guy walks up and hands you a hundred dollars,” Mr. Senecal said. “And they love him, not for that, they just love him.”

Here, Juan: Take this. I’m going to build a wall to keep your brother out

(Psst…they love him for the money. Really! Nothing else)



Trump Has Convinced Me. I Am Voting For Him……….

…… for dog catcher.  What kind of dog catching he’d be best at… big dogs, little dogs, dangerous dogs, wimpy dogs…. who cares…. I don’t need any details…. I’d vote for Trump simply because he hasn’t been a dog catcher like those other guys and is beholden to no big money doggy doners.Screen shot 2016-03-10 at 11.05.38 AM

Muslim dogs need to be quarantined and put to sleep– after we torture them, for they deserve it — says Trump.  The Mexican dogs…. and they’re mostly nice dogs and he really likes them… have been sneaking into the country for years and need to be rounded up and sent back.  There are literally billions of Chinese dogs who are ripping us off.  It’s gotta stop, concludes Trump. You’ve got my full support, sir.

We’ve been voting for the same lying, ineffective dog catchers forever. They’re stupid, incompetent, and they certainly don’t know how to cut deals with the dogs, who don’t respect us anymore.  (Reread The Art of The Dog Deal…. it’s all in there) No matter how often you tell the dog he’s not getting any of your food, there he is… night after night… begging while you’re trying to eat, and we keep giving in.  It’s gotta stop.  They’ve devalued their own food and want ours.  No more.  We need our food for ourselves.

Trump has proven himself, at least to me, to be the most qualified for dog catcher, even if he really hasn’t done the job before.  I just feel it.  He exudes strength, confidence, and you can’t really be too authoritarian with dogs.  They’ve gotta respect you.  Maybe even fear you.  But you win… they lose.  Some people, mostly in the media and the establishment dog community, including those dog show people, have bristled at Trump attacking his fellow dog catcher candidates, insulting them and trying to disqualify them.  Three examples:

On February 17 in Bluffton, SC, Trump brought up the subject once more. He didn’t want to, of course, but was tricked into it after the uplifting part of his message.

“It’s been an amazing experience,” Trump said when asked how it had been on the campaign trail for the past eight months. “There’s a lot of dishonesty in politics,” Trump added. “In particular, Senator Cruz – he’ll say anything!”  Then, he let the citizens of South Carolina in on the big secret about their senator, Lindsey Graham– “I don’t think he could run for dog catcher in this state and win. He’s a terrible representative for this state.”

Lest you think Trump is a typical flip-flopping politician, politically correct, going with the prevailing winds of conventional wisdom on this issue…. forget it.  He’s been consistent all the way through his crusade to Make America Great For Dogs Again.  Way back in July, he saw the Screen shot 2016-03-10 at 10.25.13 AMweakness in former NY Governor George Pataki, who melted under the withering criticism.

Lest you think this is all a joke and that the position of dog catcher is appointed, never an elected one, check out this Associated Press item that Screen shot 2016-03-10 at 10.38.44 AMran in the Manitowoc, Wisc. Herald-Times in April of 1967, as chronicled by the Washington Post:

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As for what the great George Carlin had to say about all this….. please disregard.

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In closing, the media blackout regarding Trump’s business success in the dog arena is disgusting.  Trump Doggie Bones, Trump Doggie Snacks, Trump Doggie Toys, Trump Doggie Pee Pads.  #1 in every category…. and the media… mostly terrible people…. are keeping you from the truth.

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Scalia’s Final Ruling: “Demolition Derby” + “Circular Firing Squad” = Republican Presidential Debate… I’m Out!


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“When I first came into office, the head of the Senate Republicans, Mitch McConnell,  said, ‘my number one priority is making sure president Obama’s a one-term president.’ Now, after the election, either he will have succeeded in that goal or he will have failed at that goal.”

— President Obama, interview on CBS’ “60 Minutes,” recorded on Sept. 12, 2012, and aired on Sept. 23

McConnell, one of the chief legislative architects of eight years of everything-this-guy-does-we-will-oppose-and-I-mean-everything…. takes it to a new level over the weekend.  Justice Antonin Scalia picked a really, really, inconvenient time to die, forcing McConnell to threaten the Illegitimate President that he’ll allow another Obama justice over his (Mitch’s) dead body.  “The American people‎ should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new President,” said the crestfallen, heartbroken Majority Leader, moments before Scalia’s last rites were administered over his dead body.


Dying when he did, one can’t help but think that at some level, Justice Scalia, a man who was personally loved by his colleagues and even ideological opponents…. somehow decided it would be best to check out of the Hotel West Texas a few hours before another one of these “debates.”  Strict Constructionist/Originalist Scalia, the guy whose answer to the idea that, at any level, the 228-year-old US Constitution is a “living” or “evolving” document, argued, “The only good Constitution is a dead Constitution. The problem with a living Constitution in a word is that somebody has to decide how it grows and when it is that new rights are – you know — come forth. And that’s an enormous responsibility in a democracy to place upon nine lawyers, or even 30 lawyers.” For him, the Constitution was frozen in time, and should only be changed by the voters through the amendment process.  Were he alive, he might disappoint his most ardent supporters by reminding us there is no Amendment that has changed the duties of the executive and legislative branches to nominate and vote on, in the last year of a president’s term, Supreme Court nominees.  He would crush McConnell’s argument that the “American people‎ should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice.”  He’d remind McConnell that the American people do have a voice, and they express it every four years, and that the fourth year counts as much as the first year. Scalia might call McConnell’s dictum, “legislative hokery-pokery with a dash of applesauce.”  

Fact Check Meltdown has overtaken the landscape of political reporting on these events.  So many lies are told, so much truth is stretched beyond recognition that it’s nearly impossible to chronicle them all and more often than not the biggest whoppers or idiotic opinions slip by, taken for truth and never challenged.  My example here deals with Marco Rubio.  Conventional wisdom says he did better in the Saturday CBS event and made a decent enough comeback from last week’s four-peat brainfreeze repetition of “Barack Obama knows exactly what he’s doing.”  But he got away with these lines:  “Just want to say, at least on behalf of me and my family, I thank God all the time it was George W. Bush in the White House on 9/11, and not Al Gore. (applause) I think you can look back in hindsight and say a couple of things, but he kept us safe.”  Applause followed, of course, and the truth of the statement satisfied all in the house.  Take a look… it’s right at the front of the clip:

Agent of Reason Trump correctly pounds away at the concept of W having “kept us safe” by not allowing the Safety Clock to start on September 12, 2001, but he would never go so far as to disagree with the apparently universally-accepted Republican truth that we were so much better off with George W. Bush as president than Al Gore in the years 2001-2009.  Now that everyone has officially gotten onboard in saying the Iraq War was one of the worst foreign policy blunders in US history… often mentioned at these debates… how could it logically follow that we can’t even imagine that things might have been at least a teeny bit better as the result of a Gore presidency at the time?  No Rumsfeld and Cheney in the picture.  Can’t imagine that!  Oh, wait….. I get it.  The worst foreign policy blunder that has unraveled all these years later, leading to the unleashing of the Dogs of ISIS… is just what?  Oh, I know…. automatically better than Al Gore, the whacky climate change guy.  Thank the Lord we didn’t have him! President Algore would have immediately surrendered to Bin Laden and declared “peace in our time” down at Ground Zero with that bullhorn that Bush used.  Instead, due in large part to the one of the most egregious, legislate-from-the-bench political decisions in US history out of the Antonin Scalia Supreme Court, we got George W. Bush in 2000.   Now, we face the prospect that even if Obama were to nominate esteemed Court of Appeals Judge Jesus H. Christ, the Republicans would stonewall it out of hate, spite, and the kind of politics we pretend we hate.


Trump Boycotts Super Bowl And Still Wins As Tastesless, Stomach-Churning Bowel-Movement Commercials Clash

I thought Trump was going to march out on the field during the coin toss, push Joe Montana aside, whip out his own coin with his face on one side and Putin’s on the other.  Instead, the Republican front-runner, acting like a know-nothing football idiot, believing he is somehow entitled to a Super Bowl game specifically tailored to his liking (Too much of that damned defense, eh Donald? You likey more when they score lotsa touchdowneys? So do six-year olds.) vomited up only one uncontrollable, pointless tweet during the game.  Only a simpleton continually forgets that most Super Bowls are not sixty minutes of exciting, scintillating football…. and this week and next week and the week after that Saturday Night Live will mostly suck, as it did 3,5, 15, 25, and 40 years ago….. except for the highlight reel.Screen shot 2016-02-08 at 9.56.29 AM

But Trump’s influence on changing America back to more winning than we’ll ever be able to stand was on full display Sunday night.  Just one night after a debate where he completely misconstrued Marco Rubio’s repetitive of course Barack Obama knows exactly what he’s doing (in his mission to change America) drone (Chris Christie was the one who nailed Rubio)… Trump either stupidly, or on purpose stupidly said this:

“Marco said earlier on that President Obama knows exactly what he’s doing, like we have this president that really knows. I disagree, respectfully, with Marco. I think we have a president who, as a president, is totally incompetent, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

It’s pretty important that a president have reading and listening comprehension skills or we could be in a heap of trouble.  Just saying.

Trump’s quickening influence in making America Politically Incorrect Forever was on display during the Super Bowl, when finally, in its fiftieth year, we got some commercials that addressed the most common outcomes of each contest whose names are seldom spoken in polite company:

Constipation vs Diarrhea

Tens of millions of Americans sick to their stomachs crapping their pants off or unable to crap their pants off.  The Great Super Bowl Matchup that’s always been there.  Not Denver vs Carolina.  Not New England vs Somebody again.  Not offense vs defense.  Not Manning vs CAM.   Diarrhea was favored by 6 and covered the spread easily.  Oops.

Trump Exhibits Signs of CTE, Confuses Canada With Mexico Following Loss to Cruz in Iowa

A sad-but-predictable public meltdown occurred Tuesday in New Hampshire when Donald J. Trump slimed, slurred, and attacked the entire country of Canada… our best friend and Neighbor to the North.  In taking the issue of broad stereotyping and generalization to new heights, here are his exact words as he attempted to hammer home an attack on Ted Cruz, who’d sent out a dishonest, scare-the-old-people mailer over the weekend.  Newsmax:  “What kind of people do we have running for office? It’s really dishonest” Trump said. “These politicians are worse than real estate people in New York.” The real estate mogul says he knows the reason for Cruz’s dishonesty: “it’s because he was born in Canada.” 


Problem 1:  Are we to believe, therefore, that Donald J. Trump is the only honest “real estate person” in New York?  Problem 2: Is Ted Cruz’s dishonesty problem really the result of his being born in Canada…. which is not in dispute?  He was born there. It’s his “natural born citizen” status as per the Constitution… an issue that has not been formally decided by the courts.  Those are two quite different things.  Problem 3:  We were all getting used to Donald trashing Mexicans who come to the United States.  Now we have to suspect all Canadians, too?

According to the Boston University Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy Center, this terrible brain disease is associated with confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, and, eventually, progressive dementia.  The latest NFL star to have been conclusively diagnosed with CTE is Ken Stabler, the great Oakland Raiders quarterback who died at age 69, officially of cancer.  His brain was removed and studied and Stabler had a high Stage 3 (out of 4) version of CTE.

Donald Trump has been saying…. and getting away with saying…. many, many things during the course of his campaign that make no sense…. that are 100% illogical, not standing up to the slightest bit of scrutiny.  His blusterous, confident, angry delivery of those remarks pleases his followers, inspired by the impossible strength of Trump’s maniacal delivery.  When presented with a real situation that he cannot control…. the actual numerical outcome of the Iowa caucus, for instance… he simply lies about the result, disavowing his own previous grandiose prediction of victory.  I am now prepared to excuse Trump as yet another victim of CTE… brain damage.

ABC News: “My life has been about victories,” Trump told a crowd in Fort Dodge, Iowa, last November. In a state Trump really wanted to win and said as much, Monday night was not the result the real estate mogul was banking on.“I want to win in Iowa, I want to really win, I don’t want to come in second,” Trump said in Cedar Rapids last month. “Smart would be to say, I want to do well. That way if I come in second everyone is going to say you did well. I don’t want to do that. I want to win, right?”

Angry and confused that his second-place finish is not being credited as a victory for him because he has now decided it’s more important to disregard his non-stop bragging about leading in polls leading up to the vote, including the Des Moines Register Iowa Poll…. the newspaper which he trashed continuously as biased until that last weekend poll which had him leading Cruz 28-23 with Rubio at 15, his brain melts down in discombobulation. He goes bonkers in denouncing the interpretation of third-place Marco Rubio (right behind Trump) as the real surprise, momentum-building result coming out of Iowa, when he is sure he is being unfairly treated. The guy who has no handlers, no consultants, suddenly demands credit for getting the number of votes he got without campaigning nearly as hard as Ted Cruz and Rubio, upon “being told” not to try.   Not fair.  Somebody should be getting fired!

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Bragging that he received the second-most votes ever in a Republican Iowa caucus, he leans on that tiresome, nonsensical, pointless claim that he drew such a yuge turnout… not mentioning that yuge turnout was yuger for the guy who got more votes than him.  Bragging you got the second biggest vote ever is great, unless it occurred at the same time another guy got the biggest vote ever.  Then, you’re an idiot.  It’s like a 54-48 Super Bowl score where the team that got 48 brags it scored the second-most points ever by a team in the Super Bowl.  You lost.  Confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression.  Bye bye.