Daily Trump Dump 02/26/16

THE BIG STORY: After suffering though the Cuban double team at Thursday’s debate in Houston, Trump rebounded with a big endorsement from Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ), who made the announcement in Fort Worth. If you hate yourself, here it is

One has to wonder if the Governor’s good friend, Jerry Jones, paid for that plane ride to Texas. It remains to be seen what the price was for this particular political prize, but, imagine this: Supreme Court Justice Chris Christie. Man, those hearings will be SPECTACULAR!

Christie’s was only the second most disturbing endorsement of Trump this week

But, Cruzer and Rubes went hard after Trump at the debate, landing shots on his tax returns and employment of illegal aliens (extra points for Rubio, who smeared helpless Poles instead of Hispanics). It remains to be seen if their attacks will bear fruit, but, a lot of pundits say they should have been teaming up on DT for a while now.

Rubes and Trump continued to go after each other on Friday with Trump beating a long-dead horse and Marco firing back about DT’s “wet pants”. Donald then used the twitter

Rubes then tried and failed to make fun of Trump’s spelling expertise

Lincoln and Douglas are weeping in their graves

Back to the tax return issue: DT claims he hasn’t released tax returns because he’s being audited and he’s being audited because he’s a Christian. PS: His excuse for not releasing the tax returns is BS

Trump University was a massive scam

But an investigation by Mr. Schneiderman’s office found that Mr. Trump had little to do with picking instructors at the seminars or developing the curriculums for the seminars, which were run largely by people with motivational speaking backgrounds who were compensated based on how many people they persuaded to buy additional seminars. One of them was a manager at Buffalo Wild Wings

He never really cares about what he puts his name on, which makes me wonder if Trump Vodka caused blindness in 4 out of 5 alcoholics. Maybe if you got drunk off of it, you wandered around screaming obscenities and calling people “losers” and “dopey”

Hey! Was that vodka made by undocumented Polish workers? Somebody check on that

The Trump vs. Vicente Fox feud escalated. The former Mexican president dropped the “f bomb” when talking about Trump’s proposed wall on Thursday. DT was offended

So, Fox Business gave Fox an opportunity to apologize on Friday. And…

Well, he certainly passes The Donald’s “politically incorrect” test

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC): My party has gone batshit crazy

In no-holds-barred remarks at a celebratory dinner Thursday night, the South Carolina senator and unsuccessful presidential candidate said the GOP has lost all semblance of sanity and predicted the party will suffer irrevocable losses in November if it backs Trump.

Graham said the GOP has its best chance in years to win as Democrats are likely to nominate Hillary Clinton, who has been damaged by questions about her trustworthiness. But his party is about to blow it, he said.

“The most dishonest person in America is a woman, who’s about to become president. How could that be? My party has gone batshit crazy,” Graham said.

But, Senator Graham also used his wicked sense of humor

In closing, Graham declared himself the Dr. Jack Kevorkian of the GOP presidential campaign, referring to the euthanasia activist who died in 2011. Graham’s own presidential bid faltered, and he had to drop out. He endorsed Jeb Bush, who subsequently quit.

Graham then pulled out a white baseball cap emblazoned with Trump’s “Make America Great Again” slogan and endorsed the New Yorker.

“I endorse Donald Trump and hope the Graham magic still exists,” he said

After previously declaring war on Apple and Ford, Trump went after Amazon on Friday

“I have respect for Jeff Bezos, but he bought The Washington Post to have political influence, and I gotta tell you, we have a different country than we used to have,” Trump said. “He owns Amazon. He wants political influence so that Amazon will benefit from it. That’s not right. And believe me, if I become president, oh, do they have problems. They’re going to have such problems.”

Just close your eyes for a moment and imagine that Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) back in 2008 had said, “When I get in office, Wal-Mart (or General Motors or United Healthcare of YUM! Brands) will have a lot of problems! Boy, will they have problems!”. Rush Limbaugh’s head would’ve exploded. Every server Drudge had would have melted down. Roger Ailes might have stroked out

So, maybe the fallout wouldn’t have been that terrible

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Trump Dump 02/23/16

THE BIG NEWS: Despite cries of shenanigans, Our Hero came through and made it three-in-a-row with a victory in the Nevada Caucus. The Cuban Twosome finished second and third (Rubes then Cruzer) and Carson edged Kasich for fourth place. All five are expected to take the stage for yet another debate Thursday in Houston, courtesy of the good folks at CNN. Trump finished with over 40% of the vote in Nevada, making it the first time he’s crossed that particular threshold. At this point, The Donald’s nomination is all but inevitable

CNN’s Political Director David Chalian had the amazing stat that Trump got 44% of Nevada’s Latino vote vs. 29% for Rubio and 18% for Cruz. Perhaps these folks are looking to be deported and think that DT would provide the cheapest way

The Donald strolled out to his victory speech to the opening strains of Van Halen’s “Right Now” (which was once used to sell Crystal Pepsi). This speech was in stark contrast to the Decaffeinated Donald we saw in New Hampshire. Flanked by his sons Eric and Donald, Jr., he pointed out his good friend Steve Wynn in the crowd. Actual quote:

We won with the poorly educated. I love the poorly educated

Here’s the entire victory speech, if you hate yourself

He’s on such a roll right now that even the woman who filed a sexual assault suit against him said she’d vote to Make America Great Again

Some GOP strategists say that Trump can still be stopped

The bad blood between DT and The Cruzer continued as Donald’s lawyers sent a letter to the NVGOP to watch out for Cruz supporters’ funny business at polling places. Plus, DT was lighting Cruz up on twitter yet again

I believe that’s questioning someone’s faith and I thought that was a no-no (see also, “I never questioned Cruz’s faith”)

He’s focused on Cruzer like a pedophile at a sock hop

The Wild Wild West had it’s moments of surreal performance art as The Donald showed up at a Cruz rally hosted by Glenn Beck. No violence occurred, which is a little surprising, as Trump was feeling pretty froggy on Monday

“I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks. It’s true.”

Mr. Trump added, “I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell yah.”

Remember, on Sunday, he told us he’d start acting presidential any day now. I’ll hold my breath and you do the same

Speculation that DT could pick Gov. Rick Scott (R-FL) as his running mate. I don’t know if that’s the deal, but, remember Scott fits the “pettiness” requirement. Here he is refusing to take the stage because his debate opponent had a small fan (oscillating variety)

Which brings up the question: What if Trump hadn’t skipped that last debate in Iowa? He might be 4-0 right now

Vanity Fair takes an in-depth look at Trump’s short fingers

Macy’s has shaken off Trump’s boycott. By the way, Apple is still in business too, in case you were wondering

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Trump Dump 02/22/16

THE BIG NEWS: Our hero was busy lobbing Cruz Missiles all the live-long day. Let’s go to The Feed

But, I don’t want you to think that’s all he did today. He also had time to fan the flames of an old rivalry

Just waiting for The Donald to surreptitiously mention those old rumors about Brit Hume and Megyn Kelly

He also had time to go after some other haters

Please watch this short clip of one of the stupid Ricketts kids doing a horrible job of selling hot dogs on Undercover Boss

File this next tweet under “blind squirrel finds nut”

Stu Stevens is a massive idiot. Among other things, he gave us “Clint Eastwood Talks to Chair”

Joe & Mika suck up to Trump behind-the-scenes

At one point, Brzezinski tells Trump that she had “a wow moment” when he brought two men up on stage after they had removed a protester from a rally. Trump responds: “I saw it, I watched your show this morning. You had me almost as a legendary figure.”

So, we can put Mike Brzezinski on the list of women DJT wants to bang (presumably, after his daughter)

Trump’s pal Rudy Giuliani isn’t quite ready to endorse The Donald

Fresno State student paper compares Trump to Hitler

Troy Pope, the Collegian’s editor-in-chief, said the newspaper’s website crashed on Monday due to all the traffic the editorial attracted. He said the student-run paper stands by its decision to print the controversial headline on the front page and was prompted by Trump’s win in the South Carolina primary this past weekend.

“Trump is railing against Muslims, Mexicans – basically people who aren’t white, and he’s becoming popular because of that. That’s what’s dangerous,” Pope said. “That’s no different than Hitler rallying the German people against the Jews.”

Check out the bitchin’ art

TrumpHitler

Nice work, boys

Charlotte Observer says Trump candidacy could cost Republicans seats in Congress

Cruz fires campaign staffer for “pulling a Trump”

Trump’s pig’s blood comment draws criticism from sister of Chapel Hill victim

Newt tells Fox & Friends that they invented Trump

“Well, that’s because of you guys,” he asserted in the clip first spotted by Media Matters. “Donald Trump gets up in the morning, tweets to the entire planet at no cost, picks up the phone, calls you, has a great conversation for about eight minutes, which would have cost him a ton in commercial money, and meanwhile his opponents are all out there trying to raise the money to run an ad.”

“Look, you could say that Trump is the candidate Fox & Friends invented,” he fired back. “He was on your show I think more than any other show.”

To be fair, Fox & Friends is even stupider than The Donald, but not by a whole lot

I know you were wondering, so I’ll let you know that Gingrich and DT have both been married three times

Trump now unsure if Rubio is eligible for presidency

Man! This dude really knows how to troll the Cubans

 

Daily Trump Dump 02/02/16

THE BIG NEWS: After licking his wounds from the second place finish in Iowa, our hero turned his attention to New Hampshire. After a brief bout with graciousness, The Artist Formerly Known as Republican Frontrunner was back to lobbing Cruz missiles on his twitter feed

Yep. Ted Cruz was the big loser in Iowa last night. Baghdad Bob has nothing on you, sir

That’s an RT, of course, and this is like going through the stages of grief on social media

Yeah. You never wanted to win stinky old Iowa anyway

You guys have been doing a terrible job of smooching my rear end, so let’s step that up. Also, I feel like this opens the door for Clem and Bubba in Fartsville, GA to be encouraged to send their 10s and 20s to The Donald. How sad is that going to be? People will be missing car payments and light bills to throw a couple of bucks to a billionaire

Future Trump Press Secretary Ann Coulter wasn’t happy about the results in Iowa

And among women with Adam’s Apples, you’re the hottest, Ann

After finding out that Coulter was cheering them on, millions of Christians immediately googled “benefits of atheism”

Donald admits skipping last week’s debate might have cost him in Iowa

“People didn’t talk about my second place,” Trump added. “They didn’t talk about it as positively as they should have.”

Why won’t you people give this man the credit he deserves? Maybe it’s because he tweeted this more than two years ago

Live by the twitter, die by the twitter, Donnie Boy

Bill O’Reilly: Incredible blunder for Trump t skip debate

Bill isn’t just saying that to get an “I told you so”, is he? I mean, he’s not that kind of a guy, is he?

Trump: If we’re attacked, we’ll beat the s–t out of them

If we are attacked…somebody attacks us. Wouldn’t you rather have Trump as president if we’re attacked? OH! We’ll beat the s–t out of them!

Unless their commanding General is Megyn Kelly

Former Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) endorses Trump

Yeah. I’m not real sure if anyone in NH cares about that, even though Brownie moved there in a failed attempt to get back to the Senate

Trump: NH probably suits me better

Great, you just insulted the entire state

Peyton Manning cost Trump the Iowa Caucus

Less then 2 hours after Peyton refused to endorse him, Donald Trump lost the Iowa caucus to Ted Cruz in a stunning upset. Many political commentators are pointing to Mannings remarks as being the primary factor in his loss. In other words- Peyton Manning just cost Donald Trump the presidency

Most people think Manning’s football career will be over after Sunday’s game, so, maybe he’ll grow a set and throw down that endorsement early next week, just in time to help his boy in Tuesday’s primary

Trump supporters blame Microsoft for Iowa loss

According to advocates of the #MicrosoftRubioFraud theory, Sen. Marco Rubio’s second-largest donor, the computer giant Microsoft, rigged Monday night’s caucus in favor of a candidate that came in third place just behind Trump. Microsoft, after all, had created precinct reporting software for both parties in Iowa this year, and the company (including individuals within it) have donated $33,100 to Rubio’s campaign so far

Washington Times says Trump is in running for Nobel Peace Prize

And I am being considered for the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

 

 

 

 

We Gotta Make These Debates Work…FOR US!

We love Fox…NO! We hate Fox…I mean…we’re afraid of Fox

Look, I get it. The CNBC moderators at the last GOP debate sucked. You know how I know they sucked? Ann Coulter defended them:

The response from the campaigns was HILARIOUS! “We need change!” “We need GOP voters to moderate these debates!”

 

Which brings us to the clandestine meeting in Alexandria to figure all this out. Let’s break it down:

WaPo1

My God, man! That is some major league cloak-and-dagger! You can trust this crowd with national security. They know how to keep it on the DL

WaPo2

That’s right! They used to be pissed at Fox, but now, they’re just skeered. Which begs the question: Why doesn’t Ailes run for POTUS?

WaPo3

Because the only guy who scares us more than Roger Ailes is the guy who wants to hit it with his daughter. Speaking of daughters

WaPo4

Nothing says “I’m serious about running for president” than hiring your daughter. One wonders: Is he paying her with Chick-Fil-A gift cards? Well, at least he’s not imagining her naked (probably)

WaPo5

When Republicans give the finger to traditional media, it always goes well. I do want to see granny trying to find mydebate.com on her cable box, but, I digress

WaPo6

Yes, it’s difficult to understand why the crowd was booing, when you were egging them on to BOO THE HELL out of the moderators! That’s a real head scratcher, woman who no one remembers from high school

So, they gather and brainstorm and come up with ideas and pat each other on the back and THEN (wait for it, wait for it)

TRUMP COMPLETELY HOSES THEM! You think that’s how he plans on out-negotiating China?

Even Obama is having fun with this

Oh, and, if this happens, Hillary wins in a landslide

The most predictable thing ever will happen in the Fox Business Channel debate. If one of the candidates gets even a mildly challenging question, get ready for “Gee! Am I on CNBC”

Just bag the next debate and show a no-holds-barred slugfest between Roger Ailes and Donald Trump. It’s what we all want to see, anyway

Brad & Britt Podcast 11/02/15

 

Featuring our thoughts on NC’s junior Senator Thom Tillis being named by Anonymous as a member of the KKK and the great GOP debate negotiation