Seriously, did Vince Lombardi ever have to deal with this?
The probable “Coach of the Year” tried to put The Onion out of business by banning hover boards at the team’s practice facility
Psssst, coach: While you’re at it, might want to have the boys steer clear of Chipotle
More disturbing still is the idea that grown ass men who are making millions of dollars with their bodies would put those bodies in jeopardy by drag racing on hover boards. Athletes are always getting hurt in the strangest ways, but how would you like to run into Luke Kuechly in a Home Depot apron one Sunday
Man, you were my favorite player. You used to hit like a tank!
I know, man, but it all came to an end when I had to beat Josh Norman as we were racing to the water fountain. Now, were those tenpenny nails, you were looking for?
Here’s a video of Cam Newton from three years ago
Here’s the convo that Ron Rivera will probably be having with Newton in the near future
Ron: Can’s ride the Segway anymore, Cam
Cam: Come on, dawg
Ron: No, Cam. You have a son to think about now
Cam: Yeah, you’re right, coach. But, I just figured out how to dab on it
This is what makes Rivera’s job so much harder than coaches from previous eras. You think Ken Stabler would have been hover boarding with Fred Biletnikoff? Hell, no! They might have had a beer chugging contest, but never hover board races (had they been a thing in 1976). Joe Montana vs. Jerry Rice in the hover board Olympics? Forget it. Bill Walsh would have stared at them like a monkey watching a ferris wheel
Who knew the good old days would be when a coach was trying to get his players to the game without them being hungover
You know that engineers are going to introduce real boards that hover one day. You know, like levitating over the ground. Watch out, boys. That one could take out an entire team