Happiness is a Warm Gun carved from a 4.5 billion-year-old African meteorite…

You lucked out if you held back on buying winter clothing this Christmas because the weather was so warm.  You saved your money and now can step in there and bid on an eternal, practical gift for yourself.  An instant family heirloom/treasure that represents the very essence of our existence on Planet Earth.Screen shot 2015-12-29 at 10.04.52 AMThe firearm maker Cabot announced on December 16th that it would construct a set of extraterrestrial pistols made from a 4.5 billion-year-old meteorite that was first discovered in the sub-Saharan part of Africa in 1838. Iowa Republican evangelical voters, for instance, will have to choose between the literal interpretation of the Bible that says the earth is around 6000 years old and the gun company that is touting scientific “facts” that date the meteorite just a bit older.  In this case, you’ve got to go with Cabot.  The integrity of gun manufacturers and their lobbying arm, the NRA, towers over anything else… the Bible included.  That hurdle is settled.

 

From Cabot’s own PR release:  “It’s both romantic and fascinating to imagine that this meteor traveled across the heavens for four billion years before landing on Earth and is now being transformed into Cabot pistols,” states company president and founder Rob Bianchin.  Cabot will display a sampling of gun Screen shot 2015-12-29 at 10.10.08 AMcomponents made from meteorite at the SHOT Show in Las Vegas, the industry’s major trade show from Jan 19 to 22, 2016. The Big Bang Pistol Set will make their public debut during the NRA Annual Meeting and Convention in Louisville, KY, in May.

I’m not sure it could get any sexier than this as you add to your arsenal protecting you from Obama’s Confiscator Goonsquads and invading ISIS guys. You’ll feel so much better getting your brains blown out with this beauty than with a cheapo handgun…. if you order now we’ll send you a third SpaceAge Metal Monster free!  The luxurious storage cases have been meticulously fashioned out of wood harvested from the desks at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut where 20 kids and 6 adults gave their lives in 2012 defending our precious Second Amendment rights.  The cases are tastefully upholstered in authentically-bloodstained velour grabbed from seats in the Century 16 theater in Aurora, Colorado where just a few months earlier 12 brave movie-going souls also died in defense of gun rights.

Forbes.com reminds us  “A few years ago, another Cabot Guns pistol set, ‘The Left and the Right,’ featuring Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Piers Morgan, and Ted Nugent, made headlines.”

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